To Make Time Stand Still

Today I had a beautiful moment with precious baby B, one that I am hoping will never be erased from my memory. It was time for his afternoon bottle, and it was just the two of us, which is rare. S was still down for his nap, so B and I sat quietly together and enjoyed a brief moment of one on one time. B polished off his bottle, and then he sat perfectly still on my lap. He did not move a muscle. Usually he sits right up after a bottle so that he can get a good view of his brothers and the action that is going on around him. But today it was like he knew that this moment was all his own. I think we both knew how special it was. I tried so hard to take everything in so that I will never forget . . .

the feel of his soft, downy hair under my chin

the feel of those pink, delicate fingers wrapped around mine, grasping so very tightly

those tiny, paper thin baby fingernails

the unmistakable smell of "baby"

those tiny, brown eyelashes resting ever so gently on his plump, pink cheeks

those beautiful big eyes, gazing up into mine

the sound of his rhythmic breathing and how it felt next to mine

the feel of that chubby, dimpled hand resting on my arm

those little block feet, kicking at something imaginary in front of him that were doing that very same thing inside of me just 6 short months ago

How do I not forget this moment?

What I wouldn't give to have the ability to freeze time. I would be able to forever enjoy G, who at 8 years old is stretching his mind and body in new ways each and every day. His insatiable curiosity serves him well as he tries to figure out the world around him. His growing independence is such a joy to be a part of and witness each day. I would be able to forever enjoy S, who at almost 2, makes us laugh more than we ever have. Watching him learn and push his own boundaries has been a new adventure for us all! His precious new words such as "pak oo" (thank you), "Dil" (G), and "hole juu" (hold you) would stay with us forever. And I would be able to forever enjoy B, who at 6 months old covers me with baby drool mixed with baby food as he envelops me with baby kisses. I would forever be able to feel that baby breath on my neck as he falls asleep in my arms.

Try as we may to stop the hands of time, it just does not happen. Time passes and children grow. That is how it is supposed to be. But for this moment, I have a lump in my throat and pain in my heart over the fact that these boys are growing and changing right before my very eyes. One of my biggest fears is simply forgetting these details of our everyday life. I am learning to make myself slow down and drink it all in so that these moments will be stored in my heart forever.